What's Stopping Me?

Hollywood pride is this weekend. Who’s going?

I’m feeling very nervous for this weekend, since i’m not doing my usual volunteering with the kids at the church i go too. Instead I was sponsored for the Men’s Encounter, so i’ll be stuck in some forest place with a bunch of christian guys looking for jesus. You’re probably thinking why didn’t you say “No, i don’t want to go”, i would of, if i was the one paying to go on the trip, but no someone at church paid for me to go. I’m scared. Mostly because i haven’t told anyone at church, but i think they know that i’m gay but feel its rude to ask. But still i’m gonna be bunking with people i don’t know and their gonna see my array of tattoos and think i’m part of a gang that does meth or something, also it doesn’t help that i look like i’m 15 with tattoos. Maybe i’m over thinking this and psyching myself out, but i’m so prepared for the worst, oh my gosh, a scenario just popped into my head where they give me an exorcism. oh jeez, someone save me…(and no that was not an intentional pun).   

Writing thoughts down is super hard. I have found that when i feel like writing something I’m always preoccupied, but as soon as I’m bored i have nothing i want to write about. Like right now for instance I’m writing in stream-of-conscience which is basically writing everything your thinking about in the moment. Like what am i going to wear at Hollywood Pride, i really need my cousin since she helped me with my outfit last time. But oh my gosh that reminds me she’ll be staying with me for a couple of weeks and i’m so excited!!! OK now i’m tired, wow this rant sucks…

So i went to Long Beach Pride yesterday and i’ve got to say for my first pride festival it was absolutely amazing!!! I wore my free hugs lanyard that my cousin bought me from hot topic and i got about 6 hugs from strangers it was awesome. I also got some free shtuff (no it’s not a typo i like how the word “shit” has become synonymous with the word “stuff” and in real life i actually say “Shtuff”) and i bought aome shtuff like new aviators, a bracelet with a scorpion in it cause i love scorpions, and a FCKH8 tank top that says “Some Dudes Marry Dudes… Get Over It” and i love it. I can’t wait for the next pride festival. Btw i took this pic.

The wait is totally killing me. So i’m not going to Pride on Saturday cause my gay best-friend and i are going shopping tomorrow for Pride on Sunday. I literally don’t know what to wear cause i’ve never been to Pride, but since its in Long Beach and its almost Summer i think i’m going to wear a tank top, polo, and shorts with lots of sun screen. Its killing me!!!! If anyone wants to meet up i’ll probably be wearing a yellow and black tank top, with a yellow and grey polo, with white shorts, its mostly to represent the yellow on the lgbtq flag which is sunshine, cause i recently came out to my parents…and it’s about to get really corny “up in post” but its like i’m their Son (“Sun” a little word play) coming out and shining who i really am from the dark depths of what i used to be. Can’t wait to see everyone there!!!

OMG I’m so excited to be going to the Gay Pride Parade this year in Long beach. I’ve wanted to go to one since the 7th grade when i knew for sure that i was gay. CAN’T WAIT!!! Who else is going?